Gestalt

I have been quiet for years. Too quiet. Not just on my blog, but in my life. I have recently decided to pull up my big girl pants and show up for my life again. Newly divorced, I am stumbling through the work it takes to review, understand, forgive, restructure, reorganize, and fill out the contours of a life. My life. And as much work as it is, it is a nap in a hammock compared to what it took to burn down my life to save myself. Here I am: Charred and gritty, but smiling and grateful.  When I wonder how I ever got so totally lost, I find that I never was. I had left bread crumbs in my writing. Never published, often unfinished or so raw the words were more likely fingernails grasping for crumbling rock, but they are here. Messages to myself all along the way, recording what was happening but never processing it to complete a gestalt. So I am moving backwards in time now, publishing bread crumbs. They may be out of sequence occasionally, but they move back into the past in a roughly linear fashion. They are more than the sum of their parts. I am starting to understand the big picture. It's a process, and these word maps to myself are mine.